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Post filled under : Personal Stories

PTSD, CPTSD Trauma Survivors in the workplace

I have something to say and I sincerely hope you will listen. It is time to break the stigma against people who have suffered trauma and live with wounds still bleeding and scars not yet fully healed. Invisible wounds that no one can see unless they watch very closely.

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A Big Trigger Breakthrough

It is interesting that now, when I have a breakthrough or epiphany or even a breakdown, my first impulse is to do a live video to talk about it, so that I can share my journey, but also so I can feel less alone, less isolated and so that I can show others that it is okay to be yourself, and, if yourself happens to be like myself, messy as fuck, then you rock that shit. It is okay to show emotion, rage, scream, cry, punch a pillow, sleep, or shut down for a bit, all of these are normal ways to show your emotions, and people like us are suffering, often in silence. I am not. I am right here. Plain view. Showing much of what I am dealing with. It is okay, whatever way you deal with your trauma, you are valid. Alright, self-affirmations aside let’s dig into this trigger.

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The Doorway

“You come back here young lady!” rang the angry voice behind her as she ran out of the dusty old house. “Jessica Lynn!” screamed the shrill voice as she ran down the broken sidewalk to the sanctuary of the small jungle behind the ‘Dead End’ sign at the end of the street. Once inside she would be safe, alone. Her little feet made a pitter-patter sound as they ran, avoiding any cracks in the broken sidewalk. She might not like her mother, but to break her back would be the ultimate sin.

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When The Darkness took Shape

In about 1988 December 24th, my biological mother took her own life*. I was sent to stay with her ex-husband Bruce Hazlett and his wife Cindy, my maternal siblings, and, their half-brother David. When, a week later I was shipped off to another foster home, it was because I was taking attention away from their son and because I was me. I read the report from the Big Box of Pain and it stated that he had said that I would always be Jessie Alden. Meaning I did not fit, nor would I ever fit into their lives.

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Not Giving Up Yet

I want to feel the water fill my lungs,As I fight despite myself for survival.The fish and marine animals watch impassivelyI sink deeper and deeper into the darkness of the […]

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My Darkness

I have been struggling lately, pretty badly. Feeling hopeless and feeling the pain from my childhood that has been so powerful I am surprised I can dress myself in the morning let alone go to work and function. Healing is a process and sometimes it is a shitty process. But I believe in this process, even if I do not have a clear understanding of it. One positive thing is I started writing again and for me, that is a big win. Now if I could just find happiness and peace. Anyway, below is something I wrote. Good, Bad, whatever, it was what I was feeling at the time. -Jess

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