Having A Bad Day, So This.
This tightening in my chest,
This knot in my stomach,
These unshed tears in my eyes,
This past I cannot escape.
A Big Trigger Breakthrough
It is interesting that now, when I have a breakthrough or epiphany or even a breakdown, my first impulse is to do a live video to talk about it, so that I can share my journey, but also so I can feel less alone, less isolated and so that I can show others that it is okay to be yourself, and, if yourself happens to be like myself, messy as fuck, then you rock that shit. It is okay to show emotion, rage, scream, cry, punch a pillow, sleep, or shut down for a bit, all of these are normal ways to show your emotions, and people like us are suffering, often in silence. I am not. I am right here. Plain view. Showing much of what I am dealing with. It is okay, whatever way you deal with your trauma, you are valid. Alright, self-affirmations aside let’s dig into this trigger.
Come With Me
I wrote this as a way to express what I was feeling at the time. This is a work of fiction. I am sort of obsessed with my biological mother’s suicide, but to be clear this is not how it happened, this is simply a story to express myself. – Jess (Phoenix) As I stood, […]
Childhood Conditioning and Stockholm Syndrome
Recently I had a conversation via Facebook with one of my new friends that I have made through this project. Truly I had no idea how creating this Facebook Page, then my blog would affect my life. I have been “meeting” some amazing people and it is a wonderful way to connect and share and […]
The Doorway
“You come back here young lady!” rang the angry voice behind her as she ran out of the dusty old house. “Jessica Lynn!” screamed the shrill voice as she ran down the broken sidewalk to the sanctuary of the small jungle behind the ‘Dead End’ sign at the end of the street. Once inside she would be safe, alone. Her little feet made a pitter-patter sound as they ran, avoiding any cracks in the broken sidewalk. She might not like her mother, but to break her back would be the ultimate sin.
A Letter To My Sperm Donor
NOTE: (5/17/24) I was given a DNA test several years ago and through that was found by my paternal biological sister. I now know who the sperm donor is, Anthony Chris Russon from upstate NY. Glens Falls area. He had a restaurant or something. Anyway, long story short (long version will be in the book.) […]
Bleeding Out Through Writing…
This is going to just be like most of my Facebook live videos, a rambling post that I am just going to let flow. There is no purpose to this other than to express myself. It will be interesting to see how it turns out. Read, don’t read, I just need to write.
I feel like I shit. I wrote about that a while ago, I am not okay. And it is okay not to be okay but it feels like shit and as the chemicals in my brain change due to the medications I am taking to help me deal with the symptoms of the C-PTSD or Developmental Trauma Disorder, I am struggling.
A Childhood Trauma Survival Story
Hi I am now almost 25. When I was just a few weeks old my dad hurt me physically for the first time. He pinched the top of my ear and it turned black instantly that was just the beginning.
In the weeks and months that followed he had made my baby milk wrong deliberately so I would inhale the powder which resulted in me being admitted to hospital. Then when I got home he tried to drown me, I was covered in bruises and at 9 weeks old he threw me onto the sofa and broke my arm in 3 places the doctor called it a spiral break.
Today, I Am not Okay
Yesterday, I was not okay.
As far back as I can remember, I have never been okay.
I have been many things.
What are Gaslighters?
Gaslighting is a term to describe people who try to manipulate others by psychological methods. Essentially they use this to make the other person question their own reality, their own sanity and their own way of looking at things, especially themselves.